Sacrament
by Random1377
Summary: Darkfiction.  Six years after the sixteenth angel's defeat, Father Shinji Ikari gets an unexpected visitor from the past, reminding him of all that he has tried to put behind him...


Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned solely by Studio Gainax animation. I claim no rights to the characters or concepts in this story, and will gladly remove it from the net should Gainax (or anyone associated with the EVA project) request it, rather than face legal action. Also be warned that this story is rather sad, so if you are easily depressed... please do not read. Thank you.  
  
Sacrament  
By Random  
  
Shinji Ikari heaved a deep, heartfelt sigh. "Another day," he whispered, "another soul saved..."  
  
He was beginning to take the white collar off of his neck, when there was a soft knock on his chamber door. "Father?" Came the voice of his acolyte, David Thatcher, "Do you... have time for one last confession? There is a woman outside that asked specifically for you..." the boy's tone was apologetic, "she said no one else would do..."   
  
Shinji smiled, "It's alright, my son..." he said, still slightly uncomfortable with the titles given and received, "I am doing the Lord's work, and I am on His time... of course I can take another confession."  
  
It had been five years since he had come here - six since he had left NERV behind him - and he finally felt as if he had found his calling. It was not a surprise to him that he was requested specifically, as it happened all the time. He was an excellent listener, and was always polite and offered good advice - though he was beginning to tire of the single women persistently trying to pick him up.  
  
He re-donned his long black robe and retrieved his Bible from the nightstand (where it sat in front of a faded, crumpled picture of three teenagers... three Children), and walked towards the door of his humble room. He paused for a moment as he caught his reflection in the simple wooden mirror near the entrance, taking in his now broad chest (a side-effect of trying to stay fit in a monastic life and assisting in church-building) and his - according to the women in the congregation, anyway - handsome features... just a bit too much like his father's for his liking.  
  
He sighed, "It is thy will..." he said, feeling somewhat better. He had made peace with his likeness to his father. In fact, he had made peace with many things in his life... though he still sometimes woke in the middle of the night in a sweat, remembering the clone tanks that had held the copies of Rei. He frowned as he thought of the blue-haired girl... the girl who was based in part on his mother's DNA.  
  
He pushed the thoughts of the past aside, knowing that they were unhealthy, and walked briskly out of the room, smiling gently at David, "Is she already in the booth?" He asked, expecting that she was. Most evening confessors did not want their faces seen, and would wait in the box for him to arrive.  
  
The young man (though Shinji had never asked, he estimated him to be about seventeen) nodded, "Yes Father... and..." he hesitated, then went on with a frown, "she's not alone."  
  
Shinji blinked, "What do you mean?" He asked, "Is there someone in the confessional with her?" This had happened before... usually with a husband insisting that he be present for his wife's confession - or vice-versa. Shinji always told them the same thing when this occurred, 'What is spoke here is between her (or him) and the Lord... I'm sorry, but I must ask that you please respect that.' It had only failed once... and Shinji had been forced to ask the young couple to leave, as the husband was growing loud and disrespectful of the Lord's house.  
  
The boy shook his head though, "No, Father... but there are men waiting outside for her... lots of them." He paused, looking both scared and excited, "I think that... that she's someone important."  
  
Shinji frowned slightly. There was no one important in this small town in rural America - that was why he was here. He could have chosen to pursue his work elsewhere, as there was much need of the Lord's kind word throughout the world... but he had chosen this place because of it's tiny size - and because few in it knew the details of the EVAs and their pilots. Most people here thought of the war as a far-off thing... something that was important, and yet didn't QUITE affect them.  
  
That was just the way Shinji liked it.  
  
"Don't worry, my son..." he told the boy, smiling reassuringly, "all men - and women - are equal before Him."  
  
The young man flushed and bowed his head, "Yes, Father Ikari..." he said softly.  
  
Shinji paused for a moment at the door to the chapel and laid a hand on the boy's shoulder, "You are a good boy, David..." he said gently, "just remember your lessons. We are all created in His image, and none of us is better than the others. Worldly trappings mean nothing to Him."  
  
The boy nodded, "Yes, Father..." he said softly, "thank you for reminding me..."  
  
Shinji sighed. It was a hard life that David had chosen... but he could feel the strength of the boy's sprit, and knew he would go far. His biggest problem was that he was too easily impressed with people that displayed wealth and power. He had yet to learn that these things were only temporal, and would vanish like a shadow at daybreak in the light of His presence.  
  
Shinji gave the boy's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and opened the door leading to the chapel. He walked slowly to the confessional and opened the door, stepping inside. He sat down on the small bench and took a moment to compose himself, feeling that familiar twinge of fear - almost like stage fright - that always took him before he accepted the sins of the congregation.  
  
Finally he offered a short prayer of thanks for the blessings that he had, and opened the window. "Yes, my child?"  
  
"Bless me, Father..." a soft, familiar voice whispered, "for I have sinned..."  
  
Shinji paled, "No..." He opened the door to the confessional and stepped out, his entire body shaking.  
  
The other door opened, and a woman with long red hair stepped out. "Hello, Shinji," she said quietly, "it's been a while..."  
  
"No..." he whispered again, trying to find his voice as his hands clamped tightly onto the back of one of the pews, supporting his weight as his knees threatened to buckle. He took her in at a glance. She still had the same, pretty face... but it had matured and become downright beautiful. Her hair had grown longer - down to the middle of her back - but was still the same flaming red... and still bore the distinctive A-10 neural connectors. She was also wearing his former guardian's old, beat up red flight jacket.  
  
Asuka Langley Souryu smiled gently, "Is that any way to treat an old friend?" She asked chidingly, "I would think after six years I would get a hug... or at least a, 'How have you been?'"  
  
Shinji grimaced, "No offense to you, Miss Souryu," Asuka frowned at this title, but he continued, "but I had no desire to see you again... I left Toyko-3 as far behind me as I could, and if you're here to take me back you might as well just leave now, because I will not come with you."  
  
Asuka stared at the floor, "I'm... not here to take you back, Shinji..." she whispered quietly.  
  
An uncomfortable silence descended, and Shinji took the opportunity to collect himself. After a moment he said, "Forgive me, I'm being rude." He turned to face her, "It IS nice to see you Asuka... and I'm sorry for my behavior. It was unbecoming to a man in my position, and outright uncalled for."  
  
She blinked in surprise, "Intelligence was right," she said with a slow smile, "you HAVE changed..."  
  
He flushed, "Well... not that much..." he said humbly, "I just... found my place, that's all..."  
  
She let out a gusty sigh, feeling that she had put things off for too long. "Shinji..." she said softly, meeting his eyes, "you know what happened to your father four years ago... don't you?"  
  
His eyes broke from hers, "Yes..." he said softly, "I was called..."   
  
She nodded. She knew he had - she was the one who had demanded that the call to be made. "Why didn't you come to the funeral?" She asked quietly, folding her arms and leaning up against the confessional box, "If not for him... you could have done it for her..."  
  
Shinji closed his eyes, "I didn't want to remember her that way," he replied, "I wanted to think of her like she always was - happy and full of life... not lying in a box."  
  
Asuka looked away, "She... she wasn't, Shinji... they couldn't recover the bodies..." she shivered as she thought of how their former guardian, Misato Katsuragi, had died. It had all started when they had been walking from their car (whenever Gendou traveled with Misato, it was always in the same car. He said it was because she was the best at her job... but Asuka suspected it was because he secretly admired the woman's fiery spirit - though he would never admit it, she was sure), to the open door of a transport plane.  
  
They had been halfway to the plane when gunfire had erupted all around them. Misato had thrown Asuka to the ground and drawn her pistol, firing blindly towards one of the hidden gunmen. 'Take her,' the purple-hared woman had said to one of the faceless section two men, 'get her to the car and get out of here.' Asuka had been picked up and rushed to the car under a hail of bullets, Misato following close behind.  
  
'Commander!' Misato had yelled, 'Go! Get her out of here!' Asuka heard her say... and then she had turned and run back to the center of the fighting, where Gendou was kneeling, clutching his chest with one hand and firing a small pistol with the other. Blood was clearly visible between his fingers.  
  
The man carrying Asuka had taken a bullet as he all but threw her into the car, and fallen atop her. As she had worked her way free, thankful that the car had a trained driver who was already starting it, she was afforded an unobstructed view of the fight... and her heart stopped beating at what she saw. Misato was on her knees, back to back with the Commander. She had a gun in each hand and was alternating fire between them, trying desperately to stay alive.  
  
Blood rushed freely from two bullet wounds in her side, and she was screaming in anger and pain.  
  
The car's tires had squealed, then, carrying Asuka away from the horrible tableau before her. She had finally fought her way out from under the dying man and looked out the back window, her hands pressed desperately against the glass. Her eyes met Misato's briefly... and the woman smiled at her brightly, as if saying, 'Don't worry... everything will be ok.' Then the entire airstrip had exploded in a fireball, hurling the car end over end and into a water reservoir.  
  
It was a miracle that Asuka had survived.  
  
Now she looked at Shinji's downcast face, "She left everything that she owned to you, you know..." she said softly, "she loved you like you were her own child."  
  
Shinji nodded, "I know..." he said, swallowing a lump in his throat, "but when I took my vows, I agreed to hold no worldly belongings... I said that when I declined to take possession of her things..." He had other reasons for not taking her things - the biggest being that it would mean a trip back to Tokyo-3... but he wasn't lying when he said the main reason was his vows. He took his vows very seriously.  
  
"Shinji..." she said, stepping away from the confessional and into the middle of the church, "will you... administer the sacrament for me?"  
  
He blinked in surprise, "The sacrament?" He echoed, her request taking him off guard. She nodded slowly, and he could see that she was serious. "Normally it's only done on Sundays... but I've done it before on off-days..." he walked over to the pulpit and pulled out a long, wooden box covered in ornate scrollwork. Reverently, he opened it and withdrew a small silver plate and flask. Carefully he placed a single piece of unleavened bread (taken from one of the box's many compartments) on the tray and set the flask down next to it.  
  
Asuka watched him prepare it for her with a mixed look of sadness and pride, terrified of the things she had yet to tell him and wishing desperately that things might end other than they must.  
  
Feeling slightly foolish, Shinji cleared his throat and said in a clear voice, "Come, my Child... kneel and accept the Lord's blessing." Since the day they had met, Shinji Ikari would have been the first to tell you that Asuka Langley Souryu bows to no one. It was hard for him to repress a gasp as she meekly walked up to the pulpit and knelt, bowing her head.  
  
"I am ready, Father..." she said humbly, "I will take as the Lord offers."  
  
He nodded, masking his surprise that she knew the correct reply. "I offer you the body of the Son," he intoned, taking the bread between his thumb and forefinger and offering it to her, "will you take his name as your own?"  
  
She stared up into his eyes, "Yes, Father... I will." She opened her mouth and allowed him to place the bread in it, then chewed it slowly, continuing to hold his eyes.  
  
He opened the flask and inverted the lid, pouring a small quantity of dark red wine into it (for normal mass, plastic cups were used... but this was not normal...). He held the small vessel up, his voice trembling slightly, "I offer you the blood of the Son," he said softly, "will you keep his commandments?"  
  
Asuka looked away, unable to meet his eyes as she whispered, "Yes, Father... I will..."  
  
Carefully he reached down, his fingers shaking slightly, and put the cup to her lips. She closed her eyes and rested a cool hand over his to steady him, then tilted her head back and drank the blood-red liquor slowly.  
  
Shinji reclaimed the lid to the flask, wiping it carefully on a small cloth keep in the box for just that purpose. He then capped the flask and set it aside, making a cross with his fingers in the air before her, "Rise, my child..." he said softly, a feeling of foreboding filling him, "and know that you are one of God's children."  
  
She stayed on her knees, staring at the floor, and whispered, "Father..." she shook her head slowly, "you didn't finish taking my confession."  
  
He blinked, "I... can listen now," he said hesitantly, "if you still need to confess something..."  
  
A small frown graced her features, "I have committed many sins, Father..." she said softly, "I have had immoral thoughts... I have lain with men, though I am not wed..."   
  
He blushed at this. It was not the first time he had heard it - not by far - but to hear it from the woman that had grown from the girl he had secretly loved was a hard thing to take. "Go on, my child..." he said, his lips feeling numb.  
  
She finally looked up at him, and he was surprised to see a small tear on her cheek. Her voice never changed as she continued, "the worst sin, Father... I have yet to commit. I must take a life." She shook her head, "It must be done for the greater good... but I know it will break me, Father... and I do not want to do it..."  
  
For a moment he said nothing, then he licked his lips, "Ending a life is not something to be taken lightly, my child," he said, his mind whirling at the possible victims, and why she would confess this to him, "you say it is for the greater good... but this is not an excuse to take a life. You are not Him," he went on slowly, "and you are not a judge. While on His Earth, we must obey the laws of man... and you are not a lawgiver."  
  
Another tear joined the first on her cheek, "I know that..." she replied softly, "and I know that I will be damned for doing it... but countless lives will be saved." She rose slowly and stepped closer to him.  
  
His eyes widened as she leaned in and pressed her lips gently to his. Just a feather-light touch that lasted no more than three seconds... but to him time stood still. As she pulled back, he touched his tingling lips with his fingers, "Why did you do that, Asuka?" He asked in a quiet voice.  
  
Her tears had dried up... but there was an infinite sadness in her eyes. "Father," she said softly, refusing to use his name, "tell me the story of Judas..."  
  
Shinji's knees went weak, "No..." he whispered. He looked at her with confusion on his face, "why?" He gasped. He was not afraid of death - his faith prepared him for it extensively... but he could not understand why after six years of silence his former roommate and co-pilot had sought him out with the sole purpose of taking his life.  
  
She turned away from him, "When your father died," she said, struggling to keep her voice level as the moment of action grew closer, "many... secrets were revealed. Secrets about Rei... secrets about Second and Third Impact... secrets about the angels..." her voice dropped to a whisper, "secrets about you..."  
  
About Rei, he already knew - it was the reason he had left NERV in the first place... but he could not imagine a secret about himself that would warrant this drastic action. He held his silence, waiting for her to finish.  
  
Turning back to him she said quietly, "Second Impact occurred on September thirteenth, two thousand. You were born on June sixth, two thousand and one... almost exactly nine months later."  
  
Shinji paled, "What are you saying?" He whispered... though his mind had already made the connection, he refused to accept it.  
  
Asuka's eyes fell to the floor, "Please, Shinji..." she whispered desperately, "don't make me say it out loud." She stayed quiet for a minute, and then slowly looked up at him, "You know that I have to do this, don't you?" She asked quietly, drawing a gun from under her jacket.  
  
"Asuka..." he breathed, "this is crazy... think about it..."  
  
"I have..." she said softly, trying to keep a level voice, "that's why we waited four years... watching as you struggled to learn English... watching as you were converted... watching you rise through the ranks of the church." She tried to smile, "I wouldn't let anything happen," she said in a breaking voice, "until there was absolutely, positively, NO chance that the information was wrong..."  
  
Having no reply, he merely stared at her, thinking, -No... this is wrong... it's all wrong!- His eyes met hers, -Please...- he thought, -please don't say it... just turn around and walk out the door... please?-   
  
His prayer was to be unanswered.  
  
Blinking away more tears as they threatened to fall, Asuka went on. "Shinji," she whispered, "why do you think the last angel never showed up? It's because the numbers were wrong..." she took a deep breath, "the sixteenth was actually the seventeenth... making the third actually the fourth... and the third..." her voice cracked a little more, "the third was safe and sound behind the controls of his EVA..."  
  
There it was... no shades of gray - just pure black and white.  
  
He closed his eyes, his mind working frantically, "If what you say is true," he said softly, "then why would I need the EVA at all?"  
  
She smiled sadly, "You didn't..." she whispered, "not truly. When you fought what was called the third angel... YOU defeated it, your true self. The same with the twelfth and the fourteenth... it was always you in control... but your mind couldn't take the truth, so it shut down and let instinct take over..."  
  
He shook his head, "No! The EVA went berserk... and... and mother..." he trailed off as she looked at him with pity in her eyes.  
  
"That's what you were told," she said gently, the gun still pointed at the floor, "that's what you told yourself... but it was always you..."  
  
A tear ran down his cheek, "If I am an angel..." he said, final saying the word, "will a gun kill me? Won't my AT field protect me?"  
  
Her face fell further. Instead of answering him, she spoke softly into a microphone on the sleeve of her jacket, "Send her in..."  
  
The door to the church was opened... and a lone figure walked in. Shinji's breath was once again taken away. The blue-haired woman slowly walking towards him was a far cry from the thin child he had seen last. Her figure had filled out to match Asuka's, and her hair had grown longer and darker, so it was down past her shoulders and almost the same shade as Misato's had been.  
  
"Hello, Ikari..." Rei Ayanami said softly.  
  
Shinji's mind registered the fact that her voice sounded nearly the same as it had before... just more mature somehow. "Hello, Ayanami..." he whispered, meeting her crimson eyes steadily, "I am glad that you are well..."  
  
She tilted her head to the side, "I am glad that you are well also," she replied, "and I apologize for what must now happen."  
  
He nodded, "Thank you, Rei..." he said, trying to smile, "that means a lot to me."  
  
He felt a sudden tingle as Rei closed her eyes... and knew that she was neutralizing his AT field. He drew a long breath and let it out slowly, and then turned to face the Second Child. "May I ask something, Asuka?" He said in a level voice. When she nodded slowly, he managed a smile, "Can you... do it outside?" He glanced around the chapel with a fond look on his face, "It would be wrong... to do it in His house."  
  
She nodded again, but could not speak, as her throat was tight with emotion.  
  
He sighed, "Let's go..." he said softly, then began walking down the aisle. As he reached the door, it was opened from the outside, and Shinji stepped blinking into the street... finding it lined with men in black suits.  
  
-David wasn't kidding when he said she wasn't alone, was he?- He thought with a small smile. Glancing up the street, his breath caught as he spied the familiar brooding shapes of Unit 01 and Unit 02, connected to portable power supplies and crouching at the ready. "Of course..." he whispered, "just in case..."  
  
It was a testament to NERV's efficiency and subtly that they could get this many people - and two EVAs - into a town this small and not let a single person close enough to tell him about it.  
  
He sighed and looked at the redheaded pilot, "You don't need to do that..." he said sadly. She had her gun leveled at him now, as if he would try and make a break for it now that he realized how serious the situation was.   
  
She flushed, but didn't lower her gun, "I'm sorry..." she said softly, "I know you won't do anything... but they don't." Her eyes took in all the nervous men standing around.  
  
He bowed his head, "They think I'm a monster..." he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, "do you think that, Asuka?"  
  
More tears spilled down her cheeks, "No, Shinji..." she said in voice barely above a whisper, "I don't..."  
  
He nodded and walked down the stairs of the church and into the dusty street. He looked around at the faces surrounding him. -If it be your will,- he thought suddenly, remembering an old song, -that I speak no more... I will speak no more... if it be your will...- "How fitting..." he whispered.  
  
"Ikari?" Rei spoke softly to him, stepping close to him and meeting his blue eyes with her red ones, "It will end now..."  
  
He frowned, "I know, Ayanami," he said, confused, "I know that it's ti-"  
  
"No," she whispered stepping closer still, "you are the last. When the Commander died, he was bearing Adam in his possession... once you are gone, there can be no Third Impact."  
  
His eyes widened, "You mean...?"  
  
Asuka spoke behind him, and he closed his eyes, realizing with a small feeling of warmth that he was between the two women he loved most, "Since Adam's gone," she whispered, "There is no way to start Third Impact the way it was intended... but you could still merge with Rei. From what we can tell, it would mean a perverted Impact... with nothing but death and chaos. Now do you understand why this must be?"  
  
He nodded, "Yes... I see now..." He cast his eyes heavenward, "Mother... father... I'm coming now..." He knelt in the dusty street, clasping his hands together. -What an odd name for a town,- he thought suddenly, his mind desperately searching for something else to focus on besides what was about to happen, -Murphy sounds more like a man than a place...-  
  
"Shinji?" Asuka whispered behind him, "I love you..."  
  
His face lit up in the most brilliant smile that Rei had ever seen as Asuka pulled the trigger, ending his life when he was the happiest that he had ever been.  
  
"So it was written..." Rei whispered, a single tear running down her face as Asuka collapsed to the ground and sobbed, "so must it be..." She bowed her head and whispered a quiet farewell to the only man she had ever said 'thank you' to... knowing that she would always remember how bright his face grew with his final smile. And knowing that, now, he was safe with his family. Nestled somewhere high up in heaven... sitting at the right hand of the Lord he loved so much.  
  
Closing her eyes tightly, Rei Ayanami wept... and finally understood the meaning of the word 'envy'...  
  
  
  
The End  
  
Author's notes: ok, the sacrament scene was comprised of several churches' communion/sacrament/whatever other name it's known by. It is accurate to no one church that I know of, and was pretty much just cobbled together from the things I've seen in the churches I've been to. I did it this way for two reasons: 1. I didn't want anyone to think I was bashing, or endorsing, any one religion over another, and 2. Well... I really don't know ALL of the ceremony from ANY of them, sooo... :P Information on Shinji's birthday and the date of Second Impact was taken from my printed translation of the Red Cross Book. Now I KNOW that the birthdays of the pilots are taken from the voice-actors that portrayed them, and may not be wholly accurate to the vision of the original story... but it fit so nice here I HAD to do it!! :)  
  
Thanks to 20eva, Rhine, Ryoma and Lord DeathScythe for pre-reading on this one... you're all awesome, and this story would not be half as good as it is without all of your input... bow Arigato. :)  
  
Feedback is welcome at random1377@yahoo.com  



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